v14_FINAL_final_LEGAL_rev3.pdf
Mutual Non-Disclosure Agreement
Recitals. Whereas the Client wishes to share Confidential Information, and whereas the Supplier has no idea what it is yet because the brief is "coming Monday", the parties agree to protect it with the ferocity normally reserved for nuclear launch codes.
1. Definitions. "Confidential Information" means, without limitation, everything. The run-of-show. The venue. The colour of the carpet. The fact that there is a carpet. Any thought the Supplier may have had while in the same postcode as a Client employee.
2. Mutuality. This Agreement is mutual, in the sense that both parties agree the Supplier cannot be trusted.
3. Standard of care. The Supplier shall protect the information with no less than reasonable care, and in any event more care than the Client showed when emailing it to a distribution list of 340 people, including two competitors and a man called Derek nobody can identify.
4. The secret itself. For the avoidance of doubt, the information concerns a product that is slightly thinner than last year's, will be revealed to 4,000 delegates and a livestream, and was leaked by the CEO on LinkedIn on Tuesday.
5. Return or destruction. On request, the Supplier shall return or destroy all Confidential Information, including copies, notes, and any memories thereof. The Client accepts no responsibility for the method.
6. Term. Obligations survive termination, completion, the Supplier's retirement, the Supplier's death, and the heat death of the universe, whichever is later.
7. Remedies. The Supplier acknowledges that monetary damages would be inadequate, money being something the Client is famously reluctant to part with (see Payment Terms: 120 days, subject to purchase order, subject to mood).
8. Execution. To be signed via DocuSign on a phone in a loading bay, eleven minutes before doors.
The Supplier may not disclose the existence of this Agreement. Which is a shame, because it's the most creative thing the Client has produced all year.